i also want to do some other work here. i need to change my divider. i "out-grew" my old name (Jiinxsay). i've been trying for years to find thee perfect namie for mee :)
Birthname = Laura Elizabeth Mahoney
Adopted = Alice Elizabeth Sanders
nn (nickname) thru-out teens = Al
friend Bridget christened me = Ali in 1981.
in 2005 i changed sp to = Aly. i did this because all those years so many ppl pn-(pronounced) it - ah-LEE instead of AL-lee. i felt related to Muhammed Ali. no one ever understood.
so i began searching for a new name altogether, as i felt that being a "Sanders" meant nothing to mee, since Beloved dad passed away in 1998.
and somewhat of a 'divorce' from mom was going to be a cathartic move. she's always been a cold, un-loving fake, stuck-up, playing the perfect role of the Harvard Professor's wife. plus her "better-than" attitude also came from being a Radcliffe grad. i remember being FOUR and thinking she didn't love me. the most dysfunctional part is that she allows my younger sister Jeanne rule her in an abusive, controlling manner. Jeanne vowed decades ago that she was going to become executor of the will & that she would cut Bill (the middle child of the 3 of us) OUT of the will. Ms. i run the family finances.
so, she did it. she even got a Masters Degree, to please mom AND to become a CPA, therefore she could manage money. dad wanted my cousin to become executor but mother was spineless.
i just hope she doesn't cut me out either. we have a love/hate relationship. we're on the 'outs' now. i was extremely jealous when she got a job in MY Beloved MAINE :( i've wanted to go back there and stay forever. but the other side of mee is proud and sometimes i even brag (as i used to do about both my parents), because she is now the "Senior Tax Manager" for LL Bean! i really AM proud of that.
i wish we were on the 'ins' so i could go up and see the house she had built. my health is bad and i just wish we were close.
my brother is "out" as far as i'm concerned. no long story, suffice it to say, he's against mee being on disability and that Republican asshole attitude he displayed the last time we spoke hurt mee so bad it was the last time we spoke.
however! there IS a silver lining to this fam(ily) story!
i had found my birthmom in 1995. i have a brother & sister (they have a dif dad,with major superior genes!) Rob&Beth. we all had fone relationships. she managed to come out from San Diego in Nov 2002 and met mee & my children, it was wonderful :)
very sad that she died april 5, 2007, the day before my birthday. i had since then lost touch with brother Rob. then with Beth.
but me and my Bethie Blossom have since re-connected on facebook :) i am simply currayzee 'bout my baby sissy!! <3
wOw, i didn't mean to go on like this. ppl probably get annoyed at my strange spellings of certain words; mee instead of me, ppl 'stead of people, pn; 'stead of pronounce-that one's due to my large participation in the baby name forums. umm wut else? nn - nickname, mn-middle name. so forgive my rebellious streak.
k, i guess i am going to try the 'favicon' idea....oh ya, and a new div.
Bless you, all my bloggie Beloveds <3
<3 Mia-Bohème
No comments:
Post a Comment