thank you
Stacy!!!!!!!!!!!!! muahhzzz!!!! i now have your awesome badge on my sidebar!! i just rearranged my entire sidebar, it was not flowing very well, plus! i wanted my FRIENDS' badges to be wayyy above my blog archive :) i did lots of tweaking and i think it looks pretty neat! i want to add another pic or 2 of me, there are NOT many photogenic ones to choose from, alas....so it may take a while before i decide on some, or just 1 or 2.
i have been branching off into Blog-Frog and all the communities that come along with that, whew!!! it's very hard for me to keep up! i keep getting sidetracked and opening tab after tab :O i must have 20+ tabs open in just THIS firefox, i have six firefoxs' open :O lolol....
a TRUE MIRACLE FROM GOD happened tonight!!! i was actually able to apply the steps TO MY LIFE!!! without going into too much gory detail, i made a mistake and went to drop off homer's dvds, on my way to the meeting. bad BADDDD move :O didn't notice the red truck with Maine plates, wow, how i missed that i'll never know!! anyways, homer wasn't home! his DAD answered the door! omgg (oh my good GOD), i hugged his dad, then his mom. then his mom started ripping into me. dad said, "i'm goin outside for a smoke". i should've taken that as my cue to split, dumb blonde...nope, i sat there and cried and listened to her tell me how much she HATES me, wow! hate is such a strong word! she can't accept that five years after breaking up, me and jeff can be friends? w.e. instead of ripping her, and believe ME, i HAVE the goods on THAT fam, i could've gone into how she let alan, the oldest, STAY IN THE HOME, after they found out he was RAPING jeff's twin sis julie :O w.e. none of my business. inSTEAD!! a true MIRACLE occured!!!!! i applied the steps of AA in my life, as it was happening!!!! i finally had had enough of her abuse and said, "i'm sorry you hate me mum, i love you and the whole family AND I ALWAYS WILL". wow, go me!!!, course i was sobbing down the stairs and when i got outside Jeff's dad was like, "yup, that's why i left, i knew that was gonna happen". homer was there by then, i just went towards my car, crying hysterically, got in, sobbing, wow, i haven't cried like that in a long time! homer opened other door and kept asking, "what did she say to you", i said, "meeting in 5 mins, gtg", he pulled out a twenty plus some ones and said, "plz don't drink", still sobbing i drove away. down and around the corner to the arc, where the mtg was. i called dana/daddy, he answered, i was still sobbing uncontrollably, he was like OMG! after i told him most of what she had said, in ripping and shredding my soul, aka "soul-murdering" me, he comforted me. i asked him if i was a good person, he said, of course, you can't let one evil bitch, who's obviously whacked, get to you. i said, i know, but i LOVED living on Beals Island Maine with them in 2000. i still love them. now i understand why homer wouldn't let me come to gramp's funeral last june, it all makes sense now :O EUREKA!!! his mom hates me with such passion and venom that he didn't want me around it. gotcha homie, no worries, won't be stoppin in to visit mum & dad ANY time EVER....sad tho, i really DID love them, especially Jeff's twin Julie, i called her Jules, she was the sunshine to his dark. i now accept the fact that i will never see any of them ever again. unless i decide to be a wise-ass when i inherit, and go and buy the biggest house on Beals Island and see her at the IGA ev week, lol....no, i'll find a DIFF town to move to, downeast for sure, but NOT Beals. i WILL go there, but i won't stop in....alas...more destruction from my alcoholism....i did not, however, deserve THAT. even daddy said, go into the meeting, don't go out and drink. i had NO desire to! i was up for that meeting!! after the mtg, i stopped by Cath's house and watched her frame pix and we chatted and she told me how proud she was that i applied the steps to a horrible situation and handled myself with dignity and self-respect, to a raving lunatic, lol, funny Cath ;) i will be sure to pray for mum for as long as it takes for me to feel ok and "over" everything she said to me, distorted tho it was. so spending time with recovery people is so wonderful! then grabbed a coolata w/whipped cream and headed home! now it's getting super late, afte midnight, so i've got to go to bed now. i was to be up before Shi tomorrow, to feel her forehead and call the school. poor baby :( course i'm going to get it 100 times worse with my lung disease---alpha 1 antitrypsin deficiency.....alas, that's part of being a parent, a parent who is sober and AVAILABLE to my almost all grown up kids <3
k, niteynite.
Bless you ALL, i LOVE you ALL.
i am Blessed to know each and every one of you gals!
Princesse Jiinxsay Lee Whild signing off for the night.
