why am i in so much pain?

i just don't understand :(   i medicated a while ago and am using my heating pad...alas, my whole body aches. it's probably because i did "physical labor" yest.... what a joke. what normal ppl do ev day, i do once in a while and then have to "recover" for days :(   atleast i seperated laundry to bags of; must do immediately, which means today, the "maybes", which mean next time, and the "no's", which mean scurrew that they're winter clothes anyways", lol... i DO need all my new camisoles and leggings and things, so, that must be done fosho.. TODAY! and then i have to find out when Shainelle's comin back. if it's tonight, then i need to do the dishes. if it's tomorrow, that can be put off. i just know a hot shower would help, alas, no time for THAT either!! damnit... homer needs a ride to the store...so i must help him as well. that's ok, now's as good a time as any. i opened the door and listened down the hall to see if i could hear the washers/dryers going, they are, so that's ok, i'll be next, hopefully. plus he wants me to see his new apt. i've had to blow him off twice for that, once to go to the bank and bitch about an extra $35 fee they sniped, and yest i HAD to get back to tan, addicted much? well, i'm NOT addicted to everything. i don't "abuse" my pain medication, i take it as directed. one time i called dr to ask if i could take a 3rd, he said yes. other than that, nothing. cigarettes? obviously. another reason to bring homer to store, "for my trouble" he buys me a pak, which is nice of him. i was rip at him yest, he pulled an "oldie" on me. guilted me for the $$$ he spent on me at walmart few wks ago. wanted all kinds of rides to make up for THAT. ok homer, we are NOT together anymore, you CAN'T treat me like THAT. i fumigated, then prayed, then felt better :) thank GOD for prayer :)  i have to remember he is SICK. i mean REALLY sick, poor homie. he has bipolar type 1 in the worst way!! almost "schizo-affective" with his hearing voices and other types of hallucinating that he does. he has also been delusional every single day that i have known him, to some degree or another....hmmm....i met him 2 days after my dad died, October 9, 1998...ppl say if i hadn't just lost my hero and had NOT been drinking, i NEVER would've gone out w/him...alas....it was meant to be, even tho it was a true nightmare!! he was definitely the devil and we were MOST definitely "toxic" together!! i can't believe we lasted 7 yrs :O lotsa bad stuff happened, no details, anyone reading this would be so horrified by what he did to me that they would say i was nuts to have ANYthing to do with him NOW. but after being broken up for 5 yrs, i consider him a good friend. i love him more AS A FRIEND, than i EVER did when we were together, no doubt. so inSTEAD of getting ready to go out in public and go pick him up, i am blogging instead.....obviously much needed :)   it really DOES get rid of the "poison/venom" i must still have in my heart and soul....God i hope i'm "ok" someday....i would soooo LOVE to be married before i drop. i have never had that. i believe whole-heartedly in the institution of marriage :)  my parents were married for 38 yrs and had a wonderful marriage!! this april 23rd would have been their 50th anniv, how depressing :(   poor mom.. she really got lucky, in terms of meeting and marrying a man like him. how quaint and proper, the Radcliffe grad marries the Harvard professor...lovely....just like mom's brother, uncle Phil, him and aunt Helen married, she was a nurse at Boston City Hospital, after graduating from BC-Boston College for nursing, and Uncle Phil went to Harvard Medical School and became a Thoracic surgeon...no wonder THEIR kids came out soooo perfect!! Peter is a Neurologist, graduated from Tufts Medical School, James is, i don't even KNOW what, something in finance, cuz he's worth the most!! then John also went to Tufts Medical and is a dentist, married to his dentist wife. i forget what Dan does, and then Ann, the baby, went to graduate school at Dartmouth College and was private school teacher till she married a Harvard man, who is a lawyer. i'll have to get into detail about THEIR kids later! oh, and our other "claim to fame" is that my 2nd cousin, mom's 1at cousin, Michael Donovan, is Donald Trump's personal pilot.. la-di-da....also, my godfather, my mother's 1st cousin, is an Orthopedist over in Concord. we've alllll been to him with any bone probs...he's the one that diagnosed me with Degenerative Disk Disease.....thank God that's not so bad :)  only kicks in when i lift a HEAVY load, like the 36-pak of 12 oz Poland Springs water last wk at Wallyworld. ouch!!! the 2 spots where i have DDD DEF felt THAT for days, thank you heating pad, one of my BEST friends :))) well, now that i've gotten all THAT out of my system, there's NO time for ANYthing.. maybe i'll do a super-quick hair wash in the bathroom sink....been doin THAT since i was 16. i used to use the kitchen sink, mother bitched too much about that, so i switched to the bathroom sink. it's a tricky task that most ppl, including rena, can't do, but after many decades i have learned to maneuver it....(heavy sighhh), i think i need a REGULAR therapist, beSIDES a "Dialectical" one....alas....excuse me...and WHAT was GOD thinking that day i was conceived???  my purpose being???? other than breeding, which i LOVED, as an "adoptee", i've heard that we adoptees tend to love to breed, true...every single adopted woman i know has atLEAST 4 children :)   can't believe Amy's already a gramma 3X over!!!! funny, SHE had 4 gurls, her oldest daughter Samantha, rena's age, has 2 daughters, next in line, Jade, has 1 daughter!!! that's funny. Amy's mom Bonnie had 3 gurls and 1 boy. i'm not sure what Amy's sister's have for kids, i just know they DO. soooo, blabbermouth, now i'm supposed to be there in FIVE mins....forGET the hair washing, it's raining out and i'll just wear a hoodie...k, gtg, helping others is the RIGHT thing to do....obviously i'll be back on later :)

not at the moment!!!

~Jiinxsay the jiinxified one, signing off to do a good deed :)