epiphany time

in my wildest dreams i NEVER EVERRRR thought i could be sooo thin. i dreamed about it all thru highschool, even tho i was not "overweight" then, i was still too big for me. then i spent from 1986 to 1992 havin a baby ev 2 yrs. by tha 4th baby, i was 190 lbs, wearin a sz 18-20 in "leggins", shoppin at lane bryant at the old shoppers world. in 1995, i went back on prozac & got manic & started excersizing compulsively, losing 40 lbs in 3 months. despite going to college & raising 4 children, i found time to go clubbing & used to dance my ass off in tha right cage @ polyestas in framingham. i loved it & had soo much energy i was doing 60 minutes on tha treadmill 5X a week. i had never felt so healthy. even my dr was psyched. as i look back to that time in my life, which btw, was alcohol-free, i can't even believe that was me. i could never rock it like that now. course i didn't know back then about my lung disease & it hadn't progressed to this point back then. sometimes i wish it was still 1995, that was a really good year for me...ahhhh, alas, all good things must come to an end. and it did. "lose tha weight, gain tha man, gain tha weight, lose tha man" was what happened next. oh well, he wasn't my soul mate anyways. he was just a rebound from dana (father of my oldest 4 & today, my best friend).
ok, juss took like 5 hour break...can't deal with tha rest of tha story right now, juss know that today i weigh 97 lbs, luvsit :) will finish that story later, had rough afternoon, thank God it's over. i made it thru sober. all that matters!